He’s Just Not That Into You is the story of a group of 20 - 30 year olds who are trying to navigate their way through the love, relationship and dating maze. The movie, tells the story of four women not getting what they want in a relationship - whether it is a phone call, a date, or a proposal. In the movie, the women are to learn the psychology of dating - both the “rules” and the exceptions to the “rules.” And in my view, it’s also about stereotypes, outdated, misguided and limiting beliefs about dating, love and relationships.
As the movie bears out in the end, the characters find themselves and they find love, once they let go of these “rules” and beliefs.
The movie opens showing a young girl being treated badly by a boy. Going to her mother for comfort and advice, she is told that he is behaving this way because, of all reasons - he likes her! As you watch this scene you get your first glimpse into the absurdity of what you and I accept as some of the relationship, love and dating “rules” that we carry with us into our adult lives.
Whether your man is sleeping with someone else, doesn’t like you, won’t propose, or isn’t calling, “He’s Just Not That Into You” gives the women in the audience a harsh dose of reality that their girlfriends are too nice to say. Trying to read the signs of the opposite sex, each of the women in the movie, hopes she is the exception to the dating “rules”.
Watching the different situations play out can be like déjà vu from your own past dating experiences.
Take, Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin), for example, who is so desperate to find the man of her dreams, that she doesn’t read the “signs”, even when Alex, (Justin Long), the friendly barman spells them out to her. She sees and believes what she wants to believe, only to be disappointed and let down each time. What drives her is the fear that she’ll end up on her own. Anyone is better than no one. It’s only when she lets go of her “need” that she finds the man that is really right for her.
Alex, on the other hand, has the complete opposite experience. He is a “player” who doesn’t get emotionally involved with the women he dates. He stays in control, not allowing any of the women get too close and not allowing himself to get too close to them either. It’s “safe.” It’s only when he drops the stereotype that he finds and falls in love.
Then there is Anna(Scarlett Johansson), who at first, appears to be quite independent and together. You quickly realise, however, that she defines herself by being in a relationship. She can’t be on her own. She’s partly involved with Conor (Kevin Connolly) the estate agent, who she keeps on tow, coming back to him when her other relationships don’t work out. At the end of the movie she is on her own and is heading for India for three months to “find herself.”
Conor, it looks like really wants to be in a settled relationship, but you soon realise that he is hooked into the ‘game’ of trying to get the woman he can’t have. He keeps compromising what he wants, in order to stay in the relationship. Eventually, however, he is able to let go of that need to have her and when he does this, he meets Drew Barrymore. Drew has been in charge of the marketing for his real estate business, but which up until this point, he hasn’t even really noticed.
There is also a married couple in the film, Janni (Jennifer Connelly) and Ben (Bradley Cooper), who were struggling to keep their relationship together. Early on in their relationship, Janni gave Ben an ultimatum. He had to either marry her or the relationship was over. He conceded and married her and is now struggling with how he feels about having done this. The couple don’t face the growing distance in their relationship. Instead, she becomes obsessed with the redecoration of the new house and he becomes obsessed with Anna. In the end, their relationship doesn’t survive.
And finally there is, Beth (Jennifer Aniston) and Neil (Ben Affleck), who seem to have the most together relationship except for one sticking point - the different meaning they both give to the institution of ‘marriage.’ According to the “rules,” if the man you have been together with for some years – 7 years in their case – doesn’t want to marry you, he never will. Ben loves and is committed to Jennifer, but doesn’t believe in marriage. The belief or the ‘rule’ that drives Jennifer to end the relationship is the one that says, “if he really loves you, he will marry you.” After observing her married friends, Jennifer realises that she and Neil had a much happier and healthier relationship. In the end, both Jennifer and Ben let go of their limiting beliefs – and guess what happens? Ben proposes to her and yes, it looks like they will be living “happily ever after.”
“For the first time in history, every couple is on their own to discover how to build a healthy relationship and to forge their own vision of how and why to be together” John Welwood
Rather than continue to follow limiting, outdated, unhelpful, misguide and stereotypical beliefs about relationships, which don’t seem to be working in the modern world anyway, isn’t it time you take charge of your own relationship happiness?
Get Real! Be more of who you are and let others be more of who they really are too!
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