The Singles Gym Blog

Valentine’s Day -- How Do You Survive It When You Are Single?

Are you single this Valentine’s Day?  Let’s face it, of all the holidays we have all year, the worst time to be single has got to be on Valentine’s Day!  The shops are full of Valentine’s cards oozing with romantic messages addressed to my darling husband’, ‘beautiful wife’ or ‘gorgeous girlfriend’.

Everywhere we look, we see beautifully decorated chocolate boxes and exotic red roses, special displays in the jewellers while restaurants everywhere advertise their romantic Valentine’s specials.

Through flowers, fragrance and jewelry, the media portray this day as the one day of the year set aside for love, romance and passion so not having a date on Valentine’s Day can evoke feelings of loneliness, self-doubt and lowered self-esteem.  The easiest thing would be to find he nearest stone and crawl under it!

Valentine’s Day is a glaring reminder that you are still single -- or worse, that you are single again.  It’s a reminder that you still haven’t found the person of your dreams and it may leave you wondering if you ever will.

So what are you supposed to do on Valentine’s Day when you are feeling the blues that you are single?  If you are feeling down as Valentine’s Day approaches take heart because there are plenty of ways to ensure you stay happy. 

So here are my top suggestions for you this February 14th.

An Awesome Singleton Christmas - Ten Reasons why Being Single at Christmas is simply fabulous.

Being single around the holidays can get you extra seasonally depressed.  Everywhere you go, you see couples choosing knick-knacks together, buying new Christmas decorations, holding hands and kissing in front of store windows.  They seem so blissfully happy which just makes you feel even worse as you are face Christmas on your own.

I've been there and yes, I've had a great time - being in love and getting showered with expensive gifts!  There is no denying it, it’s great when you are in a happy relationship during the holiday season.  The problem is that when you are single again, it’s so easy to think about the idea of being in a relationship with rose tinted glasses, remember the good times and forget all the bad times.   It’s to easy to indulge in a bit of self pity and convince yourself of how miserable it is being single at Christmas.

And to make matters worse, well-meaning - (but slightly annoying!) friends and relatives keep asking you whether you have met that ‘special’ person yet and you have to admit that that special someone still hasn’t materialized.

 “Did you meet anyone interesting last night?” asks your Mom after your work holiday party.

“Are you seeing anyone special?” asks your aunt at Christmas dinner, after glancing at your empty ring finger?

“You work so hard, do you even have time for a relationship?” asks your nosy coworker after a bit too much punch.

In my last blog, I wrote about how easy it is when you are feeling this way to fall into the holiday relationship trap  If you are single this Christmas, rather than pressure yourself to be in a relationship, or stick with someone who really isn’t right for you, how about remembering the awesome things about being single during the holidays!

So here it is, my top ten reasons why being single at Christmas is awesome!

Times are changing: Part Two - How do you respond to change?

Yesterday I was talking about the growing trend of men and women deliberately choosing the single life over a family life, how things have changed, and that it's what you do with change that counts.

In reality, what usually happens in times of change or transition is a sense of confusion and instability, and there are some quite different ways that people deal with change. One way is to attempt to hold on to the "old" - have you noticed the proliferation of the gender books:  men are from. . .women are from....?  In this scenario change is resisted.

Another and opposite approach is for the pendulum to swing from one extreme to the other - a bit like going from the Victorian age to the Flower Power and "Spread the Love" age.  In this scenario it's more to do rejecting the old than embracing change. Everything to do with the old is thrown out and what you end up with is taking the extreme opposite position.

Times are changing: Part One - Men and Women Choosing Solo Life over Family Life

A couple of weeks ago I noticed two articles about the growing number of men and women who are choosing NOT to be in a relationship.

The first one was about a bachelor Carl Weisman, who wanted to find out why a growing number of men, like himself, were shunning marriage and opting to stay single.  According to the article, he surveyed 1,533 men and concluded that these men were not afraid of marriage per se but that they were afraid of a bad marriage and that they were more afraid of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all. 

The second article suggested that women, in greater numbers, are now choosing the single life over the demands of the family life. According to these women, they believe they can be happy and fulfilled without having a partner. The name coined for women making this choice was "Freemale," which made me wonder: what would the term be for men who make this choice?

Happiness and Relationships

One of the greatest questions that humans have, throughout time, asked is: Where does happiness come from? What is that truly makes people happy? Happiness is, after all, something, that most of us, if not all of us strive for. We all want to be happy now and it is something we all hope for in the future - but just what is happiness? And how do you get it?

If you think about it, almost, if everything you do is motivated by the desire to be happy - the new car you buy, the bigger house you buy, the latest fashion trend you follow, that holiday you take, the promotion you go for, the places you hang out, the people you hang out with, the things you do in our free time, the cosmetic products you buy - all of these are really a means to an end - of being and feeling happy.

The self-help market and the consumer market capitalise on your quest and longing for happiness. Marketing is based on telling you what you need to be happy (create the need) and then, presto they provide the product (the means) that will ultimately bring you happiness (the end). That's why advertising is so powerful. You buy the products, the experiences and the images in the hopes that you will be happy. And advertising must work - or hundreds and thousands of pounds would not be spent on it year after year.

So gentlemen, if you want to be happy - then you know what you need - you need to be a babe magnet!